Jokes About Doctors - Page 2

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a car!
Doctor: Well, just park yourself over there.

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a piano.
Doctor: Wait while I make some notes.

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a comedian.
Doctor: You must be joking.

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm shrinking.
Doctor: Well, you'll just have to be a little patient.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bottle of gin.
I think you need a little tonic.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I have a hoarse throat.
Doctor: Believe me, the resemblance doesn't end there.

This woman went to the doctor. She said, 'Doctor, my husband thinks he's a cat.'
The doctor said, 'How do you know that?'
She said, 'Well every night, when I go to bed, there's this horrible howling outside the window.'
The doctor said, 'Yes, but are you sure that that's your husband?'
She said, 'Well a cat wouldn't use language like that.'

Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a vampire.
Drink this glass of water.
Will it make me better?
No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a bee.
Doctor: Sorry, I'm too busy to see you right now. Can you give me a buzz later?

The newly-qualified doctor was thrilled to be allowed to accompany the famous surgeon on his daily hospital rounds. He answered enthusiastically whenever his opinion was asked for; completely undaunted by the fact that his diagnoses were consistently wrong. In desperation, the surgeon took him aside and asked him: "Have you ever considered becoming an economist?"