Jokes About Doctors - Page 1

Patient: Lately I've had the feeling that everyone is trying to take advantage of me.
Doctor: That's nonsense.
Patient: Really? Oh, thank you, I feel much better already. How much do I owe you?
Doctor: That will be one thousand Dollars, please.

Doctor: Have you had this illness before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, whatever it is, I'm sorry to say you've got it again.

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a woodworm.
Doctor: How boring.

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a horse.
Doctor: Don't worry, I'll give you something to make your condition more stable!

Patient: Doctor, why are you writing on my toes?
Doctor: I'm just adding a footnote.

Patient: What's the best way to avoid getting wrinkles?
Doctor: Don't sleep in your clothes.

Doctor: Are you a light sleeper?
Patient: No, I always sleep in the dark.

Doctor: I want to take your appendix out this evening.
Patient: That's okay with me, but please don't bring it home too late.

Patient: Doctor, my stomach hurts!
Doctor: Oh stop bellyaching!

Patient: Doctor, I feel like an orange!
Doctor: Have you tried playing squash?