Jokes About Doctors - Page 5

Patient: Doctor, I've just swallowed a spoon.
Doctor: Well, sit down and don't stir yourself.

Patient: Doctor, I keep seeing double.
Doctor: Please sit on the couch.
Patient: Which one?

Fred visits an eye doctor. The receptionist asks him what the problem is. Fred says, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?"
Fred replies, "No, just spots."

Patient: Doctor, you must help me, I've gone crazy about cricket.
Doctor: How's that?
Patient: Not out!

Patient: If the doctor can't see me right away, I'm leaving.
Nurse: Calm yourself down. What's wrong with you?
Patient: I have a serious wait problem.

George: "Do you know what Dr Williams's specializes in?"
Tom: Yeah, he diagnoses wallets."

The Doctor received a frantic phone call from Mr. Jones who explained that his wife, who always slept with her mouth open, had a mouse caught in her throat.
"Don't worry, I'll be over in a few minutes," said the doctor. "In the meantime, try waving a piece of cheese in front of her mouth."
When the doctor arrived, he found Mr Jones waving a large fish in front of his wife's face.
"What on earth are you doing?" exclaimed the doctor.
"I told you to wave cheese. Mice don't like fish."
"I know," Mr Jones gasped, "but I need to get the cat out first.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, should perform the operation. As he was about to go under the anesthetic he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Now, don't be nervous, son do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ..your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."

Doctor: The best time to take a bath is just before you retire.
Patient: You mean I don't need to take another bath until I'm sixty-five?

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a bee.
Buzz off. Can't you see that I'm busy?