Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 5

Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's exactly the same as an English "s".

What international award might you win if you reduce your weight by 40lbs?
The Nobelly Prize.

Where would you go to see a man-eating fish?
A seafood restaurant.

I drank eight cokes and burped 7-up

I used to work as a glass blower, but had to give it up as it gave me a pane.

Good turns make me dizzy

A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space. Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said, "It's no good you talking to me young man, I'm stone deaf."

According to a recent survey by the Academy of Incomplete Research, nine out of ten people are

I'm so homesick.
But this is your home.
I know, and I'm sick of it.

Two contestants on a TV game show were in the final round. Mr. Cohn was way ahead of Mr. Schine, but just as the buzzer was rung, Schine slipped ahead, and won! When asked what prize he wanted, he stated that he wanted a horse. The game show host asked why, and was told : I want a horse so I can name it 'Harvest Moon.' Then I can have a portrait painted, and call it "Schine on Harvest Moon."