Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 12

Please, no deja vu I don't want to go through that again.

There were these two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted.

What does D.N.A stand for?
The National Dyslexia Association

Paranoids are people, too they have their own problems.
It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
"Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!"
"I've never done anything illegal before."
"I thought you said you were an accountant!"

A new porter at a Paris hotel was instructed by the manager that it was important to call the guests by their names in order to make them feel welcome, and that the easiest way to find out their name was to look at their luggage. Armed with this advice, the porter took two guests up to their rooms, put down their bags and said, "I hope you 'ave a very 'appy stay 'ere in Paris, Mr and Mrs Genuine Cow'ide."

A train in India was going very, very slowly, and a group of American tourists were growing increasingly impatient. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, 'can't you go any faster?'
'Oh, yes sir' replied the driver, 'but I've not allowed to leave the train.'

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

Lead me not into temptation -- I can find it for myself.