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Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 18


Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.

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Miscellaneous Jokes
My brother went to three parties. At the first party he broke his arm, at the second party he broke his leg, and after that he got Third Party Insurance.
Miscellaneous Jokes
I was staying with my uncle. One day he come in and said, 'One of the chickens has just died. We'll have roast chicken for dinner.' I said, 'Lovely.'
The next day he come in and said, 'One of the pigs has just died. We'll have roast pork for dinner.'
I said,'Lovely'.
One of the ducks died the next day. He said, 'We'll have roast duck for dinner.'
I said, 'Lovely.'
Then the next day he came down all dressed in black.
He said, 'Your auntie's just died.'
I said, 'Don't worry. I'm not stopping for dinner.'
Miscellaneous Jokes
This man was going to be hung. And there he was standing on the trap door with the rope round his neck when in comes a warder with a letter. The prison governor says, 'Stop everything, I want to read this.' And he opens the letter. And he read it. And he laughs. And he laughs and he laughs and he laughs. And there's the prisoner standing there on the trap door and he doesn't know what's going on. He says, 'Tell me, have I got a reprieve?'
The governor says, 'No, you've just won a million dollars on the lottery.'
Miscellaneous Jokes
One caveman said to the other, 'What's that big thing with the long neck writing Jane Eyre?'
The other one said, 'That's Bronte-saurus.'
Miscellaneous Jokes
King Henry VIII went to heaven. St Peter said, 'Tell me, why did you have so many different wives?'
Henry said, 'I like to' chop and change.'
Miscellaneous Jokes
The emperor Nero called in his entertainments manager. He said, 'Nutticus, you've done very well. You've got me some very tasty looking Christians and some very hungry looking lions. Well done.
Nutticus said, 'Thank you your majesty.' Nero said, 'There's just one problem however.
Nutticus said, 'What's that?'
Nero said, 'How are you going to stop the hooligans running onto the field?'
Miscellaneous Jokes
Anne Boleyn went up to heaven with her head under her arm. St Peter said, 'How are you my dear? It must've been a terrible day.' She said, 'I'll say. I've got a splitting headache.'
Miscellaneous Jokes
He's leaving Friday.
Who is?
Robinson Crusoe.
Miscellaneous Jokes
It was late one night and Tarzan finally came home to his tree house. Jane welcomed him home and then asked what he wanted.
Make me a dry martini, Jane,' said Tarzan.
So Jane made him one. Tarzan drank it down thirstily and then asked for another one. This went on until Tarzan had drunk five dry martinis. When he asked for another one, Jane remarked: 'But, Tarzan, you've already had five. Why do you want another one?'
'You don't know what it's like, Jane,' said Tarzan. 'It's like a jungle out there!'
Miscellaneous Jokes
What Sort of cheese is made backwards?
Edam.

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