Home / Miscellaneous Jokes / Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 14
Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 14 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.
This is page 14 of 23. Showing jokes 157 to 168
I glue all my bills together. Why? Mail bonding ritual.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
I went to the store the other day. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So, I called him a pencil-necked dictator. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him an idiot. He finished the second ticket and put it in the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes; the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. However, I didn't really care. My car was parked around the corner.
Late one scorching day in old New Mexico, the Lone Ranger rode up to a bar, dismounted, and tied up Silver. He was sitting at the bar, enjoying a well-earned drink, when his faithful sidekick ran in. 'I think Silver is over-heated,' Tonto exclaimed. 'What should I do?' 'Well, go out and stir up a good breeze by running circles around him,' the Lone Ranger calmly replied. A few drinks later, a stranger approached the Lone Ranger: 'Does that big, white horse out there belong to you?' 'Yes, why?' said the Lone Ranger. 'Well,' drawled the cowboy, 'yuh left the injun runnin'.'
Lt. Uhura says:'Subspace Communications-
It's the next best thing to beaming there!'
It's the next best thing to beaming there!'
Mavis: 'Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I buy myself a new hat.'
Betty: 'So that's where you get them.'
Betty: 'So that's where you get them.'
Neuroses are red,
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?
Melancholia's blue.
I'm schizophrenic,
What are you?
On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
On the other hand, you also have five fingers.
Once upon a time, a tomb was found in Egypt. First, a team of British archaeologists went in. They came out after a week and announced, 'This tomb is over 3000 years old. It is the tomb of a pharaoh, but we do not know which one.' Next, an American team went in for two weeks, and they reported much the same; they, too, could not determine which pharaoh it was. Finally, a Soviet team went in. After 20 minutes, they came out and announced, 'This is the tomb of Ramses XXI!' The others were astonished and asked the Soviets, 'How could you tell which pharaoh it was?' The Soviets answered, 'That was easy, he confessed.'
She's so fat that when she sings, it's over.
Tom and Clark were standing on the roof of their building drinking a few beers on their break, and Clark said, 'Hey Tom, did you know that if you jump off the top of this building, after you get down so far, a draft of air will pull you back inside the building on the third floor?'
'Get outta here,' said Tom.
'No, I'm serious, watch me.'
Clark hopped off the building, and sure enough, he was taken in by the draft at the third-floor window. He took the elevator back to the top, and Tom and a security guard who had arrived were standing there, Tom in awe.
'I can't believe it.' Said Tom.
'You should try it, Tom.'
So Tom hopped off and plunged straight to the ground.
'Superman, you're an idiot when you're drunk.' said the security guard.
'Get outta here,' said Tom.
'No, I'm serious, watch me.'
Clark hopped off the building, and sure enough, he was taken in by the draft at the third-floor window. He took the elevator back to the top, and Tom and a security guard who had arrived were standing there, Tom in awe.
'I can't believe it.' Said Tom.
'You should try it, Tom.'
So Tom hopped off and plunged straight to the ground.
'Superman, you're an idiot when you're drunk.' said the security guard.