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Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 13 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.
This is page 13 of 23. Showing jokes 145 to 156
Where can you dance in California?
San Frandisco.
San Frandisco.
Do you feel like a glass of orange juice?
Why? Do I look like one?
Why? Do I look like one?
I was going to tell you a joke about an electric drill, but it's too boring.
Guest: Look here, I haven't got a decent towel, sponge, or piece of soap in my room.
Landlady: Well, you have a tongue, haven't you?
Guest: Yes, but I'm not a cat.
Landlady: Well, you have a tongue, haven't you?
Guest: Yes, but I'm not a cat.
Landlady: 'I don't suppose you know what it means to starve?'
Lodger: 'No, but I'm learning.
Lodger: 'No, but I'm learning.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
A carrot.
'What do you mean by telling everyone I'm an idiot?'
'Sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret.'
'Sorry, I didn't know it was supposed to be a secret.'
A tramp knocked at the door of a house and asked for a bite to eat.
A woman answered the door and told him to go away. 'I never feed tramps, ' she said.
'That's all right, lady,' said the tramp, 'I'll feed myself.'
A woman answered the door and told him to go away. 'I never feed tramps, ' she said.
'That's all right, lady,' said the tramp, 'I'll feed myself.'
A wok is what you thwow at a wabbit.
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. 'What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!' he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge toward him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again, and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him. 'OH MY GOD! ...' Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving ... As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around... 'YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST, AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?' Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, 'It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?'
'VERY WELL.' Said God. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. ... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head, and spoke: 'Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive.'
'VERY WELL.' Said God. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. ... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head, and spoke: 'Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive.'
Before 'perestroika,' an American and a Soviet were talking about freedom in their countries. 'In the United States,' said the American, 'you can go right up to the White House gate and yell, 'The President is an idiot,' and no one will do anything to you.' The Soviet answered, 'We also have freedom of speech. In the Soviet Union, you can go right up to the Kremlin wall and yell, 'The American President is an idiot,' and no one will do anything to you.'
Did you know that Alexander the Great actually invented the first wristwatch? It was a piece of cloth that had been treated to turn different colors at different angles of the sun, and it was worn around the wrist.
He called it Alexander's Rag Time Band.
He called it Alexander's Rag Time Band.