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Miscellaneous Jokes - Page 10

Here are more of our jokes and funny stories without a category of their own.

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Miscellaneous Jokes
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $650,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "
The man hangs up, and raises his hand and asks all those present,
"Okay... who's phone is this?"
Miscellaneous Jokes
A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.
He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Do you think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"
Miscellaneous Jokes
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Miscellaneous Jokes
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
Miscellaneous Jokes
Two carrots were walking down the road when a huge truck slammed into one of them. An ambulance was called and they rushed the little fellow off to the hospital where he immediately went into hours of surgery. Finally the doctor emerged and approached the other carrot who had been anxiously awaiting in the waiting room.
"Tell me Doc, how is he?"
The doctor replied, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is he's going to live. The bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
Miscellaneous Jokes
Do ya guys wanna hear a cookie joke?
Forget it, it's too crummy.
Miscellaneous Jokes
I was supposed to work in the blood lab, but they told me I wasn't the right type for the job.
Miscellaneous Jokes
What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?
Hey, I'm a fun guy!
Miscellaneous Jokes
A barber nicked a customer rather badly while giving him a shave. Hoping to make amends, the barber asked, "Do you want your head wrapped in a towel?"
"No thanks," replied the customer. I'll carry it home under my arm!"
Miscellaneous Jokes
"I just got a new hearing aid. It's the best one I've ever had."
"What kind is it?"
"Oh, about 9:30......."

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