Jokes About Doctors - Page 15

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat.
And how long has this been going on?
Oh, ever since I was a kid.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!

Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next, please.

Doctor, Doctor, I've just swallowed a clock!
Don't worry - there's no cause for alarm.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a sheep.
Really? And how do you feel about that?
Very baaaaaaad.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a pack of cards.
Just sit there and I'll deal with you in a minute.

This man went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell.'
The doctor said, 'You're built upside down.'

This woman went to the doctor. She said, 'Doctor, my husband thinks he's a cat.'
The doctor said, 'How do you know that?' She said, 'Well every night, when I go to bed, there's this horrible howling outside the window.'
The doctor said, 'Yes, but are you sure that that's your husband?'
She said, 'Well a cat wouldn't use language like that.'

The doctor said to this chap, 'I'm afraid you've only got five minutes left to live.'
The chap said, 'Doctor that's terrible. What can you do for me?'
The doctor said, 'I'll boil you an egg if you like.'

My dad went to the doctor. He said, 'I think I'm an elastic band.'
The doctor said, 'Stretch yourself out on the couch.'