Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a telephone.
Well, take these pills and if you don't get any better give me a ring.
Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a terrible pain.
Why is that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.
Doctor, doctor, I've got a little stye.
Then you'd better buy a little pig for it.
Doctor, doctor, I keep having hot flushes.
You don't need a doctor, it's a plumber you need.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a mountain.
Well you do look a little peaky.
Doctor: "Come in Joe and take a seat. It's a long time since I've seen you here.
Joe: "I know doctor. It's because I've been ill."
Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a rubber band?
You need to snap out of it.
Doctor, Doctor, my brother thinks that he is an elevator.
Well tell him to come in to see me.
He can't. He doesn't stop at this floor.
Doctor, doctor, will I ever get better?
At what?
Patient: Doctor, people keep ignoring me. It's almost as if I don't exist.
Doctor: Next patient please.
Doctor: Before coming to see me have you asked anyone else about your condition?
Patient: Yes I spoke with Doctor Brown.
Doctor: And what did that incompetent old fool tell you to do?
Patient: He suggested I come and see you.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like I've become an electric eel.
Doctor: That's shocking.