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Christmas Jokes - 262 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here's a compilation of humorous Christmas jokes and stories. Telling Christmas jokes is a traditional way to add some festive comedy to the holiday season. They are sure to make anyone grin, whether you're telling them at the dinner table with family, at an office party, or just having a good laugh on your own. So we hope you will enjoy these 'Christmas Cracker' jokes. There are 262 jokes in this category.
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If we look realistically, today's Christmas presents are the garage sales of tomorrow.
For Christmas, his father got a puppy for him, and we all agreed that that was a pretty fair trade.
I asked what my wife wanted for Christmas. She said nothing could make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I didn't get her anything.
I hope that this Christmas my wife will give me some presents that I can afford
My wife is getting ready to do some serious Christmas shopping. She took her credit cards out for a tune-up.
The boss's favorite expression is, 'Be grateful for little things,' which he always says while handing out the Christmas bonuses.
What Christmas song does Tarzan always sing?
Jungle Bells.
Jungle Bells.
What goes ho, ho, ho, plop?
Santa Claus laughing his head off.
Santa Claus laughing his head off.
The most sadistic Christmas present I ever heard of was a down payment on a Rolls-Royce. (think about it)
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas.
Who's there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open until Christmas.
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father-and-son chats. Light sabers are drawn, and sparks are flying. 'I know what you're receiving for Christmas, Luke,' snarled Vader, pinning him against a bulkhead and glaring in his face. 'Oh, yes! Yes, I am aware. "How do you know!" exclaimed Luke as he battled his way free and leaped to a higher platform beyond Vader's grasp. 'How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas?' shouted Luke at him.
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, 'The force is with me... I felt your presents.'
Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, 'The force is with me... I felt your presents.'
The Federal Aviation Administration pays Santa Claus frequent visits, just like it does for all pilots, and this past week, the FAA examiner came for the pre-Christmas flight check. Santa had the elves bathe all the reindeer and wash the sled in readiness. Santa checked that his documentation was in order and pulled up his logbook. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test. The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the test ride. Santa entered, fastened his seat belt and shoulder strap, and checked the compass. The examiner then entered, armed with a shotgun, much to Santa's amazement.
'What's that for?!?' asked Santa incredulously. "You're going to lose an engine on takeoff," the examiner remarked, winking, leaning down to whisper in Santa's ear. "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time."
'What's that for?!?' asked Santa incredulously. "You're going to lose an engine on takeoff," the examiner remarked, winking, leaning down to whisper in Santa's ear. "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time."