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British Humour - 266 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here is our selection of British jokes and funny stories. People from Britain are known for their sarcastic, witty, and wordplay-filled humor. So feel free to laugh, be amused, or even scratch your head and wonder why the British find any of these jokes and funny stories even remotely funny. We hope that at least some of them make you laugh out loud. There are 266 jokes in this category.
This is page 1 of 23. Showing jokes 1 to 12
Two men met each other on the beach at Majorca.
One looked at the other and asked, 'Are you brown from the sun?'
'No,' replied the other, 'I'm Smith from The Times.'
One looked at the other and asked, 'Are you brown from the sun?'
'No,' replied the other, 'I'm Smith from The Times.'
A man once walked into a shop which sold musical instruments and bought a very expensive mouthorgan. As the shopkeeper wrapped up the purchase he said, 'You know is this is quite amazing. We normally don't sell many mouth organs, but this is the second one I've sold today.
'Oh,' said the customer, 'that must have been our Monka.'
'Oh,' said the customer, 'that must have been our Monka.'
Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.
Two seagulls were flying over the beach at a seaside resort one boiling hot August Bank Holiday afternoon. Every way they looked, there were so many people there wasn't a speck of sand to be seen.
'Ah,' said one to the other contemptuously, 'takes all the skill out of it, doesn't it?'
'Ah,' said one to the other contemptuously, 'takes all the skill out of it, doesn't it?'
A poor little East End kid was taken away to the country for his first holiday, and as he got off the train at his destination, he looked around in bewilderment. 'Blimey, What a lot of grass to keep off.'
Two little East End kids were paddling in the sea at Southend. 'Cor,' said one, 'look at your feet. They ain't half dirty.'
'Well, we didn't have no 'oliday last year.'
'Well, we didn't have no 'oliday last year.'
I went to the seaside for a vacation last year. The landlady said to me, 'We charge twenty pounds a night, bed and breakfast- or twelve pounds if you make your own bed.'
'Oh, all right,' I said, 'I'll make the bed.' And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer, and some nails.
'Oh, all right,' I said, 'I'll make the bed.' And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer, and some nails.
My brother was up in court last week. The judge said, 'What is this man charged with?' The policeman said, 'He opened a shop, sir.'
The judge said, 'And what is wrong with opening a shop?'
The policeman said, 'Well, it wasn't his shop, sir.'
The judge said, 'And what is wrong with opening a shop?'
The policeman said, 'Well, it wasn't his shop, sir.'
This nurse was learning first aid. The sister said, 'Nurse, imagine a man's been brought in after an accident and he's bleeding badly. What's the first thing you'd do?'
The nurse said. 'Faint.'
The nurse said. 'Faint.'
There was me and my brother in this cottage in the country, all on our own in the dead of night. My brother said, 'What was that noise? I thought I heard an owl.'
I said, 'You probably did. I stepped on the dog's paw.'
I said, 'You probably did. I stepped on the dog's paw.'
My brother said, 'You'd better know from the start that my favorite food is trash and onions.'
The girl said, 'Tripe.'
He said, 'Don't start arguing before we're married.'
The girl said, 'Tripe.'
He said, 'Don't start arguing before we're married.'
What did they say to Julius Caesar When he went into a pub?
'Ale, Caesar?'
'Ale, Caesar?'