British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 4

Where did Dr Jekyll meet his best friend?
In Hyde Park.

When Henry VIII came to the throne what was the first thing he did?
He sat down.

What is another name for a water otter?
A kettle.

Patient: I've been feeling a little off colour lately.
Doctor: Tell me what you have been eating recently.
Patient: I only eat snooker balls.
Doctor: Snooker balls?
Patient: Yes, I have a blue one for breakfast, a pink and a yellow one lunch, red ones as snacks, and then a black one for dinner.
Doctor: Aha, I see what the problem is - you're not getting enough greens.

I work in a library, and today this guy came up to me and said, "Do you have a bookmark?"
I said, "Yes, we have loads of them… But my name is John."

I went to a local bank to discuss my finances with the the bank manager, but he suddenly started hitting me and refused to stop, so I asked him to leave me a loan.

A man went into a local bookshop and asked the woman behind the counter: "Do you keep stationery here?"
"No," she said. "Sometimes I move about a bit."

Last night a large quantity of sand, cement and gravel were stolen from a local builder's yard.
A police spokesman said they are looking for some concrete evidence to help catch the thieves.

Customer: I'd like a bar of soap please.
Shop Assistant: Would you like it scented?
Customer: No, I want to take it with me now.

What type of socks does a gardener like to wear when he is working?
Garden hose.