British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 7

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? "Sorry, it was a freak hic."

What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.

What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.

Why did the bees go on strike?
Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.

Did you hear about the man who entered a pun contest in a newspaper. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win the prize. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.

What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
Fiddler on the hoof.

Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
Bonnie and Clydesdale.

What did the woman say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down funeral car?
Stop beating a dead hearse.

Doctor, Doctor I've got rotten teeth, bad breath and smelly feet.
Sounds like you've got Foot and Mouth disease!