British Humour - Jokes and Funny Stories - Page 3

Where do policemen live?
999 Letsbe Avenue.

Who wrote Oliver Twist?
How the dickens should I know?

Tourist: Hello. Do you farm around here?
Cornish Farmer: Aye.
Tourist: Fantastic day isn't it?
Cornish Farmer: Aye.
Tourist: Have you lived here all of your life?
Cornish Farmer: Not yet.

What was Camelot famous for?
Its knight life.

The murderer certainly was ruthless when he committed the crime!
How do you know that?
Because Ruth was with me.

Did you hear about the optician who tripped over a dog?
He made quite a spectacle of himself.

What do you call a stolen pork sausage?
The missing link.

Which of King Arthur's knights loved to eat steak?
Sir Loin.

Judge: You are accused of stealing garments from the clothesline of a convent. What do you have to say for yourself?
Defendant: I promise I won't make a habit of it.

Did you hear about the man who fell into a vat of beer?
He came to a bitter end.