Do things improve with age?
Did you ever attend a class reunion?
He discovered the secret of eternal youth. He lies about his age.
There's nothing wrong with getting old as long as you keep doing it.
You know that you're getting old when the first candle on your cake burns down before the last one is lit.
You know you're getting old when everything you want for Christmas can be purchased at a drugstore.
You know you're getting old when someone refers to a piece of furniture as an antique—even though you bought it new.
You know you're getting old when you try to iron out the wrinkles in your socks even though you're not wearing any
You know you're getting older when they have to stick the birthday candles on the side of the cake, too.
You know you’ve reached old age when it takes longer to rest than tire.
Tim: I hear you use three pairs of glasses.
Tom: That's right. One for reading, one for distance, and one to look for the other two.
An elderly couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand, and she responds, 'Don't touch me!'
'Why not,' he asks.
She answers back, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband says to her, 'What on earth are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.'
The wife says, 'Not so, I'm definitely dead.'
Her husband insists, 'You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?'
His wife answers, 'I know I'm dead because I woke up this morning, and nothing hurts.
Chemistry professors never die; they just fail to react.