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Jokes About Old Age - Page 2 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
We face new difficulties as we age, but there's no better way to deal with them than to laugh it off. Have fun with some humorous jokes and stories about retirement.
This is page 2 of 7. Showing jokes 13 to 24
Old bookkeepers never die; they just lose their figures.
Old photographers never die; they just stop developing.
Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation.
Ma, there's a man at the front door collecting for the Old Folks' Home.
Shall I give him Grandma?
Shall I give him Grandma?
Old basketball players don't die; they just keep dribbling.
Old doctors don't die; they simply lose their patience.
Old musicians simply become played out; they never die.
You know you're growing old when your knees buckle and your belt won't.
You know you're getting old when the only sparkle in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
Old farmers don't die; they simply go to seed.
Signs You're Getting Old
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
In the elevator, your favorite music comes on.
When the kids next door refuse to turn down their stereo, you're the one who calls the police.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie are the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5 bottle of wine isn't considered 'pretty good stuff.'
You eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
'I'm never going to drink so much again,' is replaced by 'I just can't drink the way I used to.'
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
In the elevator, your favorite music comes on.
When the kids next door refuse to turn down their stereo, you're the one who calls the police.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie are the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5 bottle of wine isn't considered 'pretty good stuff.'
You eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
'I'm never going to drink so much again,' is replaced by 'I just can't drink the way I used to.'
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
Two elderly couples were chatting when one of the men asked the other, 'Fred, how was the memory clinic you attended last month?'
"Excellent," Fred answered. "They taught us all the newest psychological tricks, like association and visualization, which helped me."
'That's great! What was the name of the clinic?'
Fred went silent. He kept thinking, but he was unable to recall. He inquired, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?" as a smile appeared on his face.
'You mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's it!' He turned to his wife. . .'Rose, what was the name of that clinic?'
"Excellent," Fred answered. "They taught us all the newest psychological tricks, like association and visualization, which helped me."
'That's great! What was the name of the clinic?'
Fred went silent. He kept thinking, but he was unable to recall. He inquired, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?" as a smile appeared on his face.
'You mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's it!' He turned to his wife. . .'Rose, what was the name of that clinic?'