Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.
Real Programmers don't play tennis or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain suddenly springs up in the middle of the office.
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
Hardware,
The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Unix - Reach out and grep someone.
Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
'I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.'
Another megabytes the dust.
I haven't lost my mind. It's backed up on tape somewhere.
If, at first, you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
Real programs don't eat cache.