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Office Humor - Page 9 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here is more of our office humor.
This is page 9 of 10. Showing jokes 97 to 108
An optimist is a man who marries his secretary and believes that he'll be able to carry on dictating to her.
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
I have a very responsible job. In the office where I work, whenever a mistake is made, my boss tells his boss that I'm responsible for it.
What some people in this office lack in intelligence, they more than make up for in stupidity.
If a train station is where a train stops and a bus station is where a bus stops, what is a work station?
Why is it that your boss says your latest idea is really stupid, until his boss has the same idea?
To: All Personnel
Subject: Absenteeism
It has become necessary for us to review some of our policies, due to frequent absenteeism of our employees.
The following changes are in effect as of today:
Sickness: NO EXCUSE....We will no longer accept your Doctor's statement of proof, and we believe that if you are able to go to the Doctor, you are able to come to work.
Death:(OTHER THAN YOUR OWN)....This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else with a lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Leave of Absence: (FOR AN OPERATION)....We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation, as we believe as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
Death: (YOUR OWN)....This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like two weeks notice. We feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.
Also, too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:15, "B" will go from 8:15 to 8:30, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.
Subject: Absenteeism
It has become necessary for us to review some of our policies, due to frequent absenteeism of our employees.
The following changes are in effect as of today:
Sickness: NO EXCUSE....We will no longer accept your Doctor's statement of proof, and we believe that if you are able to go to the Doctor, you are able to come to work.
Death:(OTHER THAN YOUR OWN)....This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else with a lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
Leave of Absence: (FOR AN OPERATION)....We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation, as we believe as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
Death: (YOUR OWN)....This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like two weeks notice. We feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.
Also, too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:15, "B" will go from 8:15 to 8:30, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.
Office Boy: The boss is starting to take notice of me.
Secretary: How's that?
Office Boy: This morning he asked me if I worked here.
Secretary: How's that?
Office Boy: This morning he asked me if I worked here.
An executive - someone who can take a two hour lunch break any day of the week without being missed.
The secretary asked the man, that just arrived to the office, wanting to meet the manager: Are you a business-colleague, a lawyer or a personal friend."
"All three of them."
"Then, according to the instructions he gave me - he's in a meeting, he's abroad for the next six months and he'll be with you in five minutes."
"All three of them."
"Then, according to the instructions he gave me - he's in a meeting, he's abroad for the next six months and he'll be with you in five minutes."
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Boss to his new secretary: "I need you to file these papers for me."
Secretary: Wouldn't it be easier to just trim them with scissors?"
Secretary: Wouldn't it be easier to just trim them with scissors?"