If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Joe: If the boss doesn't take back what he said then I'm definitely leaving.
Bill: What on earth did he say to you?
Joe: He said I'm fired.
Make sure that you don't become irreplaceable to your boss. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Always remember that pat on the back from your boss is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's your excuse this
time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change.'
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
Manager: We want you to leave on medical grounds.
Employee: But I'm fully fit.
Manager: I know, but we're sick of you.
Recently a friend of mine who is the boss of a well-known company was telling me about Gerald, one of his office boys. "He's so lazy that he does nothing except get all the other staff to do his work." "Why don't you fire him?" I asked.
"oh I'm not going to do that, I'm going to promote him to senior management since he is obviously senior management material."
A Project Has Six Phases:
1) Enthusiasm.
2) Disillusionment.
3) Panic.
4) Search for the guilty.
5) Punishment of the innocent.
6) Praise and honors for non-participants.
Fred: How did it go when you asked the boss for a salary increase?
Joe: He was just like a lamb.
Fred: What do you mean?
Joe: He said bah!
Teamwork is vital in an office - it always gives you someone to blame when things go wrong.
An interoffice soccer game was held once a year between the marketing and support staff of one company. The support staff beat the
marketing department by ten goals to one. To show just how the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the notice board after the game: "The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2024 Soccer Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."