An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing pink elephants.
Have you seen a psychiatrist?
No - only pink elephants.
Here's a fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble, and then chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your sandwich?
It's too heavy to lift.
How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't: you get down from a duck!
How do you know if an elephant has been in the fridge?
You'll find it's footprints in the butter.
How do you know if an elephant is under your bed?A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
How do you make a dead elephant float?
Well, you take ten dead elephants, 10 tonnes of chocolate ice cream, 5 tonnes of bananas.
How do you make an elephant stew?
Keep him waiting a couple of hours.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Remove his credit cards.
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
It doesn't; you get down from a duck.
My uncle said, 'I'm going to do a dangerous experiment. I will cross an elephant with a mouse.'
?I said, 'What do you think you'll get?'
My uncle said, 'Great big holes in the skirting board.'