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Jokes About Bars - Page 1

Here is our selection of jokes and funny stories about bars and bartenders. There are 29 jokes in this category.

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Jokes About Bars
A mangy-lookin' guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says "Only if what you show me ain't risque."
"Deal!" says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle, else no drink," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch, a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it.
The bartender says to the guy, "Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!"
"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist!"
Jokes About Bars
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look really sad. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in just three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
Jokes About Bars
What did the barman say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?
Olive or twist?
Jokes About Bars
An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending too much time at the pub, so one night he decided to take her along with him. "What would you like?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replied. So the husband ordered a couple of beers. When they came, he drank his down in one go. His wife took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that tastes horrible! I don't know how you can drink this ghastly stuff night after night."
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you thought I was out enjoying myself every night!"
Jokes About Bars
Two television sets walk into a bar and the barman says "sorry, but we don't serve your kind in this bar".
One television turns to the other and says "I thought that we'd get a better reception than this in here".
Jokes About Bars
Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says to them, "Get out. We don't serve your type in here."
Jokes About Bars
A man is standing drinking at the bar when the man next to him whispers, 'do you want to buy any pirate DVD's?'
'No thanks, I hate Treasure Island.'
Jokes About Bars
The man who goes into a bar very optimistically usually leaves it very misty optically.
Jokes About Bars
A man walks into a pub and sees Vincent Van Gogh standing at the bar. The man says 'I love your paintings, can I buy you a drink?'
Vincent replies, 'No thanks I've got one ear.'
Jokes About Bars
I'm watching my drinking, so now I only visit bars that have mirrors on the walls.

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