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Bar Jokes - 40 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
This carefully selected collection of jokes and humorous stories about bars and bartenders is sure to delight and make you laugh out loud. From entertaining bar antics to thought-provoking pub conversations, this place has it all. There are 40 jokes in this category.
This is page 1 of 4. Showing jokes 1 to 12
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
This guy walks into a bar carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender, 'I'll have a Scotch and Soda.'
Then the crocodile says 'And I'll have a Whiskey Sour.'
The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps 'That's incredible I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!'
And the guy says 'He can't the chicken is a ventriloquist.'
Then the crocodile says 'And I'll have a Whiskey Sour.'
The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps 'That's incredible I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!'
And the guy says 'He can't the chicken is a ventriloquist.'
This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking. Some of the old-timers tell jokes. One of them says, 'Seventeen,' and the other old-timers all roar with laughter. A little later, another of 'em says 'Thirty-Two,' and again, they all laugh and holler. Well, the new guy can't figure out what's going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him, 'What're these old-timers doin'?' The local says, 'Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra talkin', they've given 'em all numbers.' The new fellow says, 'That's mighty clever! I think I'll try that.' So he stands up and says in a loud voice, 'Nineteen!' Silence. Everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits down again and asks the local fellow, 'What happened? Why didn't anyone laugh?' The local says, 'Well, son, ya just didn't tell it right...'
A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer. He gave the bartender a twenty-dollar bill, and the bartender went to the other end of the bar to put the money in the cash register. The second bartender whispered to the first, 'He's a bear; what does he know? Shortchange him.' The first bartender brings the bear $10 in change. A little while later, the bartender starts talking to the bear and mentions, 'We don't get many bears in this bar.'
The bear replies, 'I'm not surprised; at $10 a beer, I sure won't be back again.
The bear replies, 'I'm not surprised; at $10 a beer, I sure won't be back again.
A man walks into a bar! Ouch!!!
These two strings were walking down the road when they came to a bar. They decided to stop in and have a few drinks. So they sat down at a table and noticed that they were not going to be served. So the first string said that he would go up to the bar and get a couple of beers.
First string: Hey, bartender, how about a couple of beers?
Bar tender: Sorry, but we don't serve strings here.
So the first string returned to the table and informed the second string of the problem. The second string said, 'No problem, I'll take care of this.'
So the second string stood up, Frazzeled his ends a bit and tied himself into a knot. He then walked up to the bar..
Second string: Hey bartender, how about a couple of beers?
Bar tender: Hey, aren't you a string?
Second string: I'm a frayed knot. They got the beers.
First string: Hey, bartender, how about a couple of beers?
Bar tender: Sorry, but we don't serve strings here.
So the first string returned to the table and informed the second string of the problem. The second string said, 'No problem, I'll take care of this.'
So the second string stood up, Frazzeled his ends a bit and tied himself into a knot. He then walked up to the bar..
Second string: Hey bartender, how about a couple of beers?
Bar tender: Hey, aren't you a string?
Second string: I'm a frayed knot. They got the beers.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
A man and a giraffe walked into a bar. The man asked for a drink and one for the giraffe. They drank it and had another one, then another and another. The man got up and went to walk out; the giraffe tried to follow and fell over. The barman said don't leave that lying round here, and the man said, it's not a lion; it's a giraffe.
A cheese sandwich goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."
A duck walks into a bar.
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no...
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!!
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: If you ask that one more time, I'm going to nail your bill to the counter.
Duck: got any nails?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no...
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!!
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: If you ask that one more time, I'm going to nail your bill to the counter.
Duck: got any nails?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
A horse enters a bar, sits down, and the bartender asks, 'Why the long face?'
Then a second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to its head. He sits down, and the bartender says, 'I don't mind the long face, but don't you go and try to start anything!'
Then a second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to its head. He sits down, and the bartender says, 'I don't mind the long face, but don't you go and try to start anything!'
A guy runs into a bar and asks the bartender for 24 shots of his finest whiskey. When the bartender has poured the shots, the guy drinks them down as fast as possible. The bartender says, 'Wow, I've never seen anyone drink that fast before.' The guy says, 'You would too if you had what I had.' The bartender says, 'What is it you have?' And the guy says, ' 25 cents,' and runs out of the bar.