Jokes About Drunks - Page 1

Bill: I was on the television last night.
George: Were you?
Bill: Yeah. When I'm drunk I'll fall sleep anywhere.

John: My wife drives me to drink.
Henry: You're lucky. I have to walk.

Two drunks were riding a roller coaster, when one turned to the other and said, "We may be making good time, but I've got a feeling we're on the wrong bus."

Bob only drinks to steady his nerves. In fact, the other night he got so steady he couldn't move.

I drink to forget - but I've forgotten why.

Why is it that drunks never spill drinks on other drunks?

Why did the drunk man dislike the cute little puppy?
Because it was the heir of the dog that bit him.

I knew that I must be drunk when I started feeling sophisticated - and couldn't pronounce it.

I'm not a steady drinker - my hand shakes too much.

A drunk was brought before the court. "Mister," the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking."
"Great!" the drunk exclaimed. "When do we get started?"