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Joke Topic - 'Parrots'

Here are 16 jokes on the topic - 'Parrots'.


A lady who was very lonely bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed.
"The parrot doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a mirror?"
"Every parrot needs a mirror. "So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a ladder?"
"Every parrot needs a ladder." So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a swing?"
"Every parrot needs a swing. "So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious!
The store owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"
"No!, he died."
"Oh, that's terrible. But did he say anything before he died?"
"He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that pet store?'"

A man at an auction sale started bidding for a parrot. The bidding went higher and higher, but finally the man bought the bird. Then he realised that he didn't even know if it could talk, so he asked the auctioneer.
"Of course it can talk," he replied. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The frightened burglar stopped dead. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the doberman Jesus."

Once upon a time there was a cruise ship sailing. On board, a magician was giving a show to some passengers. The magician ALWAYS had a parrot on his shoulder. Whenever the magician told a joke, the parrot would give it away. One time the magician had a knife, he spun it around it dissappeared! The parrot said "It's in his pocket, it's in his pocket". The crowd booed him because the parrot gave it away. The next trick he did, he waved a wand around and it vanished. Again, the parrot said, "It's up his sleeve! It's up his sleeve!" The magician got mad because he couldn't keep any of his tricks secret. The parrot kept giving them away.
One day the cruise ship sank. The magician and the parrot managed to make it to an island where they stayed for about 3 months when the parrot, all of a sudden, burst out and asked:
"Ok, I give up! Where'd you hide the ship?"

One day, George brought home a parrot as a birthday gift for his wife. There was a string attached to each of the parrot's legs.
"What are the strings for?" inquired his wife.
"Pull one - and see," her husband said.
She pulled the string on the right leg and the parrot said, "Happy birthday!"
Then she pulled the string on the other leg and the parrot said, "Pleased to meet you."
"I wonder what will happen if I pull both strings at once."
"I'll fall off my perch, you stupid idiot," said the parrot.

This big, brawny, dark-skinned Latin guy walks into a bar. On his shoulder is a beautiful blue-and-red parrot. The bartender says, admiringly "That's beautiful where'd you get it?"
and the parrot says "Down in Mexico there's millions of 'em!"

This guy buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?" This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird. Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts "CAN YOU TALK, YOU STUPID CREATURE? CAN YOU TALK?"
The bird looks him in the eye and says "I can talk, all right. Can you fly?"

This man went to the pet shop to buy a red parrot. The pet-shop man said, 'I'm sorry, we've only got a blue one, but if you like I'll give you a pot of red paint and you can take him home and paint him.'
The man said, 'Great,' and off he went with the parrot and the pot of red paint.
The next day he came back. He said, 'Hey, that parrot's dead.
The pet shop man said, 'I don't believe it. There's no way pot of red paint would kill a parrot.'
The man said, 'No, it wasn't the red paint that killed him. It was trying to get the blue paint off with a blowlamp!'

What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after taking a bath?
Polly unsaturated.

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A Macaw.

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