A condo committee was screening a couple interested in renting an apartment:
"What kind of work do you do?" they were asked.
"My husband is an engineer and I'm a school-teacher," the wife replied.
"Any children?" asked a committee member.
"Yes, 7 & 8 years old," the wife replied.
"Animals?" asked another committee member.
"Oh no! They're very well-behaved!"
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
I used to invite this gal to my apartment to help me make hamburgers.
I called her my grille friend!
Mary was telling her friends about her new apartment. "It's fantastic," she said, "I can lie in bed and watch the sun rise."
"So what," replied her friend Joan, "in my apartment, I can sit on a chair and watch the kitchen sink."
Nan: How do you like your new studio apartment?
Dan: I have no room for complaint.
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Light Bulbs
How many roadies/sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
Cows
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Pandas
What did the panda take with him on vacation?
Just the bear necessities.
Breath
What always becomes more difficult to catch the faster you run?
Your breath.
Dogs
What do you call a dog that works in a library?
A hush-puppy!
Blondes
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: The winner of a hide and seek game.
Chef
What do you call it when a chef has gone on strike?
A cook-out!
Student
Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
Light Bulbs
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but you have to nag him for a fortnight first.