A decorator was painting a house, and the owner came home to find the man rushing about like a mad thing with his brushes.
'Why are you working so fast?' he asked.
'Well, you see, sir, the paint's running low, and I want to finish the job before it's all gone.'
A man's house is his hassle.
I am the master in my own house - the doghouse.
People who live in glass houses always have to answer the doorbell.
What should you do if you lock yourself out of your house?
Keep singing until you find the right key.
Which ant lives in a house?
An occupant!
Cats
What is a cat's favorite color?
Purr-ple.
Blondes
What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.
Watches
Did you hear about the man who works in the watch factory?
He just stands around and makes faces all day.
Photographers
Old photographers never die; they just stop developing.
Idiots
Did you hear about the idiot who buried his car battery when the auto mechanic told him that it was dead?
Breed
What breed of dog loves to take a bath?
A shampoodle!
Zombies
Why do zombies always look exhausted?
Because they are dead on their feet.
Doctors
Patient: I feel like a sheet of music.
Doctor: Please wait a minute while I review your notes.
Bad Ideas
Why is it a bad idea to tell jokes to an egg?
Because it will crack up.