Airplanes
Nervous Passenger: How often do planes of this type crash?
Captain: Only once, Madam.
Captain: Only once, Madam.
Accountants
My accountant told me that the only reason why my business is looking up is that it's flat on its back.
Airplanes
What is red and green and jumps out of airplanes?
A parrot-trooper.
A parrot-trooper.
Actors
Did you hear about the extremely vain actor?
He would bow when he opened the fridge door, and the light came on.
He would bow when he opened the fridge door, and the light came on.
Accountants
Tom: What do you do for a living?
Jack: I work with figures.
Tom: You're an accountant?
Jack: No. A fitness instructor.
Jack: I work with figures.
Tom: You're an accountant?
Jack: No. A fitness instructor.
Actors
Why did Count Dracula want to become an actor?
He said it was in his blood.
He said it was in his blood.
Accountants
Accountant - someone you hire to explain that you didn't make the money you did.
Airplanes
If tires hold up cars, what holds up airplanes?
Hijackers.
Hijackers.
Airplanes
Why wasn't the elephant allowed on the plane?
Because his trunk wouldn't fit under the seat in front of him.
Because his trunk wouldn't fit under the seat in front of him.
Airplanes
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a dog?
An animal that likes to chase low-flying aeroplanes.
An animal that likes to chase low-flying aeroplanes.