Joke Topic - 'Today' - 3 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At

Here are 3 jokes on the topic - 'Today'.

If yesterday was today - today would be yesterday.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hair.
Hair who?
Hair today and gone tomorrow.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Whatcha.
Whatcha who?
Whatcha going to do today?

Here are some randomly selected joke topics

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. As he grasps the bulb, the entire universe spins around him.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Penny!
Penny Who?
Penny For your thoughts!

Bob only drinks to steady his nerves. The other night, he got so steady that he couldn't move.

Did you hear what happened when a car mechanic went to see a psychiatrist?
He lay down under the couch.

In school, I was the teacher's pet.
She couldn't afford a dog.

Doctor, doctor, these pills you gave me for BO are useless.
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping from under my arms.

Why is a duke like a book?
Because he has a title.

Doctor, doctor, I keep stealing things.
Have you taken anything for it?

Did you hear about the man who was constantly arguing?
He liked arguing so much he wouldn't eat anything that agreed with him.