Trousers
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dakota.
Dakota who?
Dakota fits perfectly, but the trousers are too long.
Eyes
Eye drops off the shelf
Vegetables
I've lived on vegetables all my life
- that's nothing, I've lived on earth!
Cannibals
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who got married and, at the wedding reception, toasted his mother-in-law?
Managers
The manager started his speech at 10 a.m. sharp and ended at 11 a.m.
Chimps
What happens if a chimp falls and twists his ankle?
He gets a monkey wrench.
Cars
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don't look, I'm changing.
Fish
What type of fish performs surgical operations?
A sturgeon.
Idiots
Did you hear about the idiot who called both his sons Ed?
He thought two eds were better than one.