Crab
'Waiter, do you serve crabs?'
'Sit down, sir. We serve anybody.'
Christmas
Christmas is a holiday on which neither the past nor the future is as important as the present.
Frogs
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
Doctors
Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect spinning in front of my eyes.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
Tourists
Tourist: Is that chin-strap to keep your helmet on?
Policeman: No, sir, it's to rest my jaw on after answering stupid questions.
Witches
How did the witch know that she was ill?
She had a dizzy spell.
Doctors
This girl went to the doctor. She said, 'I keep thinking there's two of me.
The doctor said, just wait, and 'I'll deal with you one at a time.'
Dandruff
He has so much dandruff they are going to hold the next Winter Olympics
at his house.
Girlfriends
My girlfriend is just like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely but is best appreciated at a distance.