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Joke Topic - 'Software'


Here are 5 jokes on the topic - 'Software'.

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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
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How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
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My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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Software Development Cycle

Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and 12-paragraph disclaimer notice actually came to you by way of an elaborate path, through the most rigid quality control on the planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public, are the inside details of the program development cycle.

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.
5. See 3.
6. See 4.
7. See 5.
8. See 6.
9. See 7.
10. See 8.
11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on an overly optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.
12. Users find 137 new bugs.
13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.
14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.
15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.
16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.
17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Vampires

What sport do vampires like to watch?
Bat-minton.
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Light Bulbs

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. "We'll document it in the manual."
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Monster

Which monster is very untidy?
The Loch Mess Monster!
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Vampires

Why was the student vampire feeling very tired this morning?
Because he stayed up all night studying for his blood test!
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Scottish

How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home?
Tell him that the drinks are on the house.
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Teachers

In school I was the teacher's pet.
She couldn't afford a dog.
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Butcher

A clerk in a butcher shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
Meat.
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Song

I keep trying to write a song about drinking but I just can't get past the first few bars.
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Sweet

What is sweet and sticky and stops traffic?
A traffic jam.

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