Marriage
Marriage: The first union to defy management.
Cellphones
What is the difference between a cellphone and a wife?
The cellphone has a silent mode.
Lawyers
Do you know how to save five drowning lawyers?
No.
Reply: Good!
Christmas
What do sad Christmas trees do?
They pine a lot.
Barbers
How does a barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
Teachers
School children march over new teachers
Marriage
Henry: Darling. Will you marry me?
Jane: No. But I will always admire your good taste.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Aaron.
Aaron who?
Aaron the side of caution, just to be safe.
Cats
What do you call an eight-legged cat who enjoys swimming?
An octopuss.