Once there lived a family of very snobbish King Edward potatoes. The daughter of the family had just celebrated her eighteenth birthday and her parents decided that it was time for them to find a suitable match for her. They suggested all the eligible young bachelor potatoes but no name seemed to satisfy their wilful daughter. Finally in desperation her mother asked her daughter who she would like to be her husband.
The daughter thought for a moment and then said: 'David Coleman.'
'But, my dear,' said her mother in a shocked voice, 'you can't marry David Coleman. After all, he's only a common rater!'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
The Lottery
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water our chances of winning the lottery?
How Are You
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hiram.
Hiram who?
Hiram fine, how are you?
Cats
What do cats like on their hot dogs?
Mouse-tard.
Paint
What kind of coat is put on when it is wet?
A coat of paint.
Dog
Mary: Our dog is just like one of the family.
Jane: Yes. I can see the resemblance.
Scottish
What did the pine tree say to his girlfriend?
I'm fir you.
Ghosts
Where did the ghost go for lunch?
Pizza Haunt.
Fish
Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
Because it has its own scales!
Lawyers
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.