Roman
What do you call a Roman emperor with flu?
Julius Sneezer.
Birds
What kind of birds are usually locked up?
Jail-birds.
Scottish
Which famous Scottish poet is setting the place on fire?
Robert Burns.
Women Drivers
Nothing confuses a man more than a woman driver who does everything right.
Lawyers
What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.
Politicians
A politician is like a master of deception, always ready to cater to what they think will win over the voters.
Rabbits
What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a forged five-pound note?
One is a mad bunny, and the other is bad money.
Change A Lightbulb
How many British Rail staff does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One is to change the bulb, and one is to apologize for the delay.
Mummies
Why are mummies so selfish?
Because they are all wrapped up in themselves.