Dogs
Brian: Yesterday, my dog grabbed my dictionary and started chewing it. Fred: So what did you do?
Brian: I took the words right out of his mouth.
Pigs
What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone?
A lot of crackling on the line.
Cellphones
What is the difference between a cellphone and a wife?
The cellphone has a silent mode.
Ducks
What do you call a box of ducklings?
A box of quackers.
Roman
Which famous Roman general always had colds?
Julius Sneezer!
Dogs
Mary: Our dog is just like one of the family.
Jane: Yes. I can see the resemblance.
Zombies
Why was the zombie awarded a medal?
Because he was dead-icated!
Doctors
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a dog.
Sit!
Elephants
Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.