Joke Topic - 'Footballer'

Which famous Scottish poet is really setting the place on fire?
Robert Burns.

Advert in a newspaper:
Big dog for sale, eats anything - fond of children.

Why are dalmatians no good at playing hide and seek?
Because they are always spotted.

Bill: Today is my wife's birthday.
Phil: What are you getting for her?
Bill: Make me an offer!

Why is an old car like a baby?
Because it always has a rattle.

What did the digital clock say to its mother?
Look Ma, no hands!

What do you call a butterfingered nurse?
A medicine dropper.

Which monster is very untidy?
The Loch Mess Monster!

Which famous English detective loved to relax in a bubble bath?
Sherlock Foams.