Jokes About Vacations - Page 1

What do Paddington Bear and Winnie The Pooh pack when they are going on vacation?
The bear essentials.

What's green, has four legs and two trunks?
Two seasick tourists.

Man to travel agent: "Give me a ticket to the moon. I want to go there on vacation."
Agent: "Sorry sir, but the moon is full."

From the deck of a cruise liner, the passengers can see a very small, deserted island with only one palm tree. On the island, beside the tree, is a man wearing only a pair of tattered trousers. He is jumping up and down; shouting and waving his arms.
"Who's that?" a passenger asks the captain.
The captain replies, "I have no idea. But every year when we pass this little island, he waves to us."

The one good thing you can say about the food in our vacation hotel is that at least they're considerate enough to give you only small portions.

There are always fortune-tellers at the seaside. Two of them met on the front at Frinton one sunny summer day. 'Lovely weather,' said the first fortune-teller. 'Yes,' said the second. 'It reminds me of the summer of 2020.'

I went on vacation last week. What a week it was. Only rained twice - once for three days, once for four.

'Excuse me,' said the guest, 'but this steak is so tough I can't even cut it. Take it away and bring me another.'
'I can't take it away,' said the landlady. 'You've bent it.'

A holidaymaker was complaining to his landlady about his room. 'Look. This wall's so thin you can almost see through it.'
'That's not a wall,' she replied, 'it's the window.'

A man arrived at his holiday guest-house and met the landlady.
'Can you sing?' she snapped.
'No,' he replied.
'Well, you'd better learn quickly. There's no lock on the bathroom door.'