Home / Scottish Jokes / Scottish Jokes - Page 8
Scottish Jokes - Page 8 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here is more of our humorous Scottish jokes and funny stories about Scotland and the Scots.
This is page 8 of 10. Showing jokes 85 to 96
It was Hamish's birthday, and he offered his friend, Hector, a really tiny glass of whiskey to celebrate.
'There you are, Hector. That's a 15-year-old malt whiskey.'
'ls it now?' said Hector, looking at the minuscule measure. 'It's very small for its age!'
'There you are, Hector. That's a 15-year-old malt whiskey.'
'ls it now?' said Hector, looking at the minuscule measure. 'It's very small for its age!'
Woman in butcher's shop: 'What's the cheapest meat you have?'
Butcher: 'Whale meat, madam.'
Woman: 'How much is it?'.
Butcher: 'Thirty pence a kilo.'
Woman: 'Well, give me a quarter-kilo, and can you throw in the head for my cat.'
Butcher: 'Whale meat, madam.'
Woman: 'How much is it?'.
Butcher: 'Thirty pence a kilo.'
Woman: 'Well, give me a quarter-kilo, and can you throw in the head for my cat.'
Did you hear about the Scotsman who invited a young woman back to his room to see his etchings?
He sold her three of them.
He sold her three of them.
Did you hear about the motorist on a tour of Scotland who went into a garage and asked them to fit his car with a set of Mull of Kin tyres?
Do you know the difference between a set of bagpipes and a lawnmower?
If someone borrows your lawnmower, you always ask for it back!
If someone borrows your lawnmower, you always ask for it back!
Did you hear about the Scotsman who gave a waiter a tip?
The horse lost.
The horse lost.
What is worse than a boy playing the bagpipes?
Two boys playing the bagpipes.
Two boys playing the bagpipes.
The man who invented slow-motion movies got his idea while watching a Scotsman reach for a check in a restaurant.
The wristwatch was invented by a Scotsman who objected to taking anything out of his pocket.
Why do all Scots have a sense of humour?
Because it's free.
Because it's free.
Red Adair, the Texan oil-fire fighter, walked into a bar in Aberdeen one evening. The man next to him at the bar immediately spotted him as an American. "I've been to the States myself," he said.
"Oh, really," said the Texan, in a tired voice.
"Oh, yes, I was in California a whole month. I went to a concert starring a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and ..."
"Would that be Kenny Rogers?"
"Oh, yes. That's right. And he sang with a woman with a fine figure, Polly Darton."
"Do you mean Dolly Parton?" The American's voice was terse, and the man decided it was time to change the subject.
"Haven't I seen you on the TV?" he asked.
"Maybe. I'm Red Adair."
"What! Red Adair?
I must have your autograph. And are you still married to Ginger Rogers?"
"Oh, really," said the Texan, in a tired voice.
"Oh, yes, I was in California a whole month. I went to a concert starring a famous country singer called Benny Rogers, and ..."
"Would that be Kenny Rogers?"
"Oh, yes. That's right. And he sang with a woman with a fine figure, Polly Darton."
"Do you mean Dolly Parton?" The American's voice was terse, and the man decided it was time to change the subject.
"Haven't I seen you on the TV?" he asked.
"Maybe. I'm Red Adair."
"What! Red Adair?
I must have your autograph. And are you still married to Ginger Rogers?"
Did you hear about the generous Scotsman who offered a million pounds to the first person to swim non-stop across the Atlantic ocean?