Jokes For Kids - Page 3 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories

Did you hear about the polar bear who tried to eat a penguin?
He couldn't get the wrapper off.

'Do you know what they said the night the Forth Bridge fell down?'
'No, what did they say the night the Forth Bridge fell down?'
'That's a pity. We'll have to build a fifth!'

My mum got on this speaking weighing machine. She said, 'Right, what do l weigh?'
The weighing machine said, 'One at a time, please!'

My dad went down to the churchyard. He said to the vicar, 'Would you like me to put some locks on the cemetery gates?'
The vicar said, 'There's no point. The ghosts have all got skeleton keys.'

My uncle said, 'The RSPCA are going to close down my fish and chip shop.'
I said, 'Why's that?'
He said, 'They think I'm battering the fish.'

My uncle said to me, 'Ants have got amazing brains.'
I said, 'Have they?'
He said, 'Yes. Have you noticed how they always know when you're having a picnic?'

My brother said, 'I want a job as a human cannonball.'
I said, 'I'll bet you get fired.'

My brother said, 'I've just been reading a book about Samson. He was an amazing comedian.' br>I said, 'Was he really?'
My brother said, 'Yes, he brought the house down.'

My brother said, 'I'm going to become a forger. I'm going to make some big money.'
I said, 'Don't make it too big or someone will notice.'

My brother read a book about Davy Crockett.
He said, 'Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?'
I said, 'No, I didn't.'
He said, 'Well, he did you know. He had a right ear, a left ear, and a wild frontear.'

My dad said, 'My leg, my leg, it's agony.' My mum said, 'That's entirely due to old age.'
My dad said, 'Well, my other leg's just as old, and that doesn't hurt.'

John said, 'That bloke up at the tea counter thinks he's a snooker ball.'
My brother said, 'Ah, so that's why he's at the end of the queue.