Jokes For Children - 9

"My old Dad told me, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin."

How do you stop moles digging up your garden?
Hide the spades.

Q: How does a male octopus ask a female octopus to marry him?
A: Can I have your hand, your hand, your hand, your hand ...

These gangsters came to our house and my sister answered the door. They said to her, 'Kid, is your mum in?'
My Sister said, 'No, she ain't.'
They said, 'Kid, is your dad in?'
My sister said, 'No, he ain't.'
They said, 'Ah, come on kid, where's your grammar?'
My sister said, 'In the front room asleep.'

My sister said to her friend, 'Do you like worms?'
Her friend said, 'No, they're 'orrible things.'
My sister said, 'Why did you just eat one in your sandwich then?'

My sister got me into trouble the other day.
She said, Mum, he's broken my dolly.'
My mum said, 'How did that happen?'
My sister said, 'Well I was hitting him on the head with it, and it broke.'

Where does Tarzan buy his underpants?
In a jungle sale.

How did Quasimodo know the end was near?
He had a hunch.

And which really horrible Mother Superior went all over Europe beating people up?
Attila the Nun.

My brother said, 'I've got this awful job down on the farm. I'm up to my elbows in manure all day.'
I said, 'Well at least it'll stop you biting your nails.'