Jokes For Children - 13

I went home the other day and I heard' my dad screaming. I said, 'What's wrong?'
He said, 'Your mother was pressing my trousers.'
I said, 'My mother was pressing your trousers and you screamed?'
He said, 'Yes, I was still in them.'

My brother's trousers were split right down the back. He said, 'Mum says they're my Van Winkle trousers.'
I said, 'What does she mean by that?'
He said, 'They've got a Rip in them.'

My brother said, 'One of my mates got run over by a car.',br> I said, 'Really, how did he feel?'
My brother said, 'Tyred.'

My brother said, 'l've brought you home a present. It's a wombat.'
I said, 'What's a wombat for?'
He said, 'A good game of wom.'

My brother said to my mum, 'It's not fair. I was just about to fight Johnny Jenkins when my sister threw rotten eggs at me.'
My mum said 'Lucy, what did you do that for?'
She said, 'I was egging him on.'

My uncle was talking to this egg. He said, 'I'm ever so sorry little egg but I'm about to fry you.'
The egg said, 'Are you having me on?'
My uncle said, 'Of course I am. I'm having you on toast.'

My uncle said to me, 'Lad, take my advice. Beware of the thing that is green, and has six legs, and will kill you if it jumps out of a tree on you.'
I said, 'Uncle, what is it?'
He said, 'A snooker table,'

This tramp came to our house asking for food. My mum said, 'I think I'll offer him one of my rock cakes.'
My dad said, 'What harm has he ever done you?'

I said to my uncle, 'How long have you been bald?'
He said 'Ever since the war lad. I lost it in a hair raid.'

'Did you hear about the cowboy who was hanged for wearing paper trousers?'
'No, why was that?'
'Because they were rustling.'