Jokes For Children - 12

My brother said, 'I'm going to become a forger. I'm going to make some big money.'
I said, 'Don't make it too big or someone'll notice.'

My brother said, 'I've just been reading a book about Samson. He was an amazing comedian.',br> I said, 'Was he really?'
My brother said, 'Yes, he brought the house down.'

My brother said, 'I want a job as a human cannonball.'
I said, 'I'll bet you get fired.'

My uncle said to me, 'Ants have got amazing brains.'
I said, 'Have they?'
He said, 'Yes. Have you noticed how they always know when you're having a picnic.'

My uncle said, 'The RSPCA are going to closedown my fish and chip shop.'
I said, 'Why's that?'
He said, 'They think I'm battering the fish.'

My dad went down the churchyard. He said to the vicar, 'Would you like me to put some locks on the cemetery gates?'
The vicar said, 'There's no point. The ghosts have all got skeleton keys.'

My mum got on this speaking weighing machine. She said, 'Right, what do l weigh?'
The weighing machine said, 'One at a time please!'

'Do you know what they said the night the Forth Bridge fell down?'
'No, what did they say the night the Forth Bridge fell down?'
'That's a pity. We'll have to build a fifth!'

Hear about the polar bear who tried to eat a penguin?
He couldn't get the wrapper off.

My uncle said, 'How do you make a baby poisonous snake cry?'
I said, 'I don't know. How do you make a baby poisonous snake cry?'
He said, 'Take away his rattle.'