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Jokes About Sports - Page 2 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here are some of our favorite jokes and stories about sports. There's something here for everyone, from die-hard fans to people who just want to laugh.
This is page 2 of 3. Showing jokes 13 to 24
An avid Dallas Cowboys fan took his dog to a sports bar one Sunday afternoon to watch the game. The bartender reluctantly let the dog in, and the pooch sat quietly as the game progressed. When the Cowboys got a field goal, the dog went crazy - barking, running in circles and doing back flips. 'What does he do when they score a touchdown?' the amazed bartender asked. 'I don't know,' replied the owner. 'I've only had him for two years.'
Athlete's foot = the agony of defeet.
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, 'Jack, I've got trouble down here!'
'What's the matter?' Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
'Bring me my wedge,' Joe shouted. 'You can't get out of here with an eight iron!'
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, 'Jack, I've got trouble down here!'
'What's the matter?' Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
'Bring me my wedge,' Joe shouted. 'You can't get out of here with an eight iron!'
Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, 'What took you so long?'
The guy says, 'That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.'
The guy's wife says, 'That's terrible!'
The guy says, 'I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie. . .'
The guy says, 'That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.'
The guy's wife says, 'That's terrible!'
The guy says, 'I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie. . .'
The Laws Of Golfing
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant 'You looked up,' or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same 'sleeve' tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: 'Nice lag' can usually be translated to 'lousy putt.' Similarly, 'tough break' can usually be translated 'way to miss an easy one, sucker.'
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant 'You looked up,' or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same 'sleeve' tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
LAW 16: 'Nice lag' can usually be translated to 'lousy putt.' Similarly, 'tough break' can usually be translated 'way to miss an easy one, sucker.'
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
Two football players were taking a crucial final exam. If they failed, they would be placed on academic probation and barred from playing in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam consisted of fill-in-the-blank questions. The final question stated, 'Old MacDonald had a ________.'
Bubba was utterly stumped. He had no notion what the answer would be. He knew he had to get this right to pass. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. 'Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?'
Tiny burst out laughing. He looked around to ensure that the professor had not noticed, then turned to Bubba. 'Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.'
'Oh sure,' replied Bubba. 'I remember now.' He grabbed up his No. 2 pencil and began writing the answer in the blank. He paused. He tapped Tiny's shoulder again and said, 'Tiny, how do you spell farm?'
'You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.'
Bubba was utterly stumped. He had no notion what the answer would be. He knew he had to get this right to pass. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. 'Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?'
Tiny burst out laughing. He looked around to ensure that the professor had not noticed, then turned to Bubba. 'Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.'
'Oh sure,' replied Bubba. 'I remember now.' He grabbed up his No. 2 pencil and began writing the answer in the blank. He paused. He tapped Tiny's shoulder again and said, 'Tiny, how do you spell farm?'
'You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.'
What does a golfer like to eat for lunch?
A sand wedge.
A sand wedge.
What is the noisiest game?
Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
Squash - because you can't play it without raising a racquet!
What must be the quietest sport?
10-pin bowling, because you can hear a pin drop.
10-pin bowling, because you can hear a pin drop.
Which monks play in the National Hockey League?
The Philadelphia Friars.
The Philadelphia Friars.
What do you call basketball nets in Hawaii?
Hula hoops.
Hula hoops.
Did you hear about the man who lost the race because of his socks? They were guaranteed not to run?