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Jokes About Soccer - 16 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Whether you call it soccer or football (if you're British), these jokes are sure to bring a smile to any fan's face. Get ready to enjoy the lighter side of the beautiful game. There are 16 jokes in this category.
This is page 1 of 2. Showing jokes 1 to 12
What do you get if you cross a football team with ice cream?
Aston vanilla.
Aston vanilla.
A famous footballer died, went to Heaven, and was greeted by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Who are you?' inquired the saint.
'What did you do on earth?'
'I was a footballer.'
'Oh, and where are your boots?'
'I left them on earth.'
'Well, hurry back and get them - we're playing a match against Hell tonight.'
'What did you do on earth?'
'I was a footballer.'
'Oh, and where are your boots?'
'I left them on earth.'
'Well, hurry back and get them - we're playing a match against Hell tonight.'
A soccer fan took his new girlfriend to a match for the first time, and answered all her questions as she inquired about the function of every player.
'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goalkeeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'
'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goalkeeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'
What do you get if you cross a football team with a bunch of crazy jokers?
Mad jester united.
Mad jester united.
How did the soccer field end up as a triangle?
Somebody took a corner.
Somebody took a corner.
Where do footballers dance?
At a football.
At a football.
Billy: I can't believe I just missed that open goal. I could kick myself.
Johnny: Don't bother, you'd probably miss.
Johnny: Don't bother, you'd probably miss.
Customer: Do you sell football boots?
Store Assistant: Sure. What size is your football?
Store Assistant: Sure. What size is your football?
What do pigs like to do when they play soccer?
Hog the ball.
Hog the ball.
Football is only a game - until your team loses.
What do a soccer player and a magician have in common?
They both like hat tricks.
They both like hat tricks.
Why can't a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
Because it only has one boot.