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Jokes About Soccer - Page 2 - With 4 More Jokes and Funny Stories

Whether you call it soccer or football (if you're British), these jokes are sure to bring a smile to any fan's face. Get ready to enjoy the lighter side of the beautiful game.

This is page 2 of 2. Showing jokes 13 to 16

The top scorer of a soccer team was tragically killed in a car accident one evening. Seeing an opportunity for glory, the reserve striker went in to see the boss. "How about me taking his place" he asked."
"I'm not sure about that," said the manager, "I'll have to speak to the undertaker first."
Why is Count Dracula a useless goalkeeper?
He hates crosses.
Why did the team manager ask for the soccer field to be flooded with water?
He wanted to bring on a sub.
What's the difference between your local soccer team and a teabag?
The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Here are some randomly selected jokes from other categories

Knock Knock

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday.

Why Was?

Why was the art dealer unable to pay the rent on his store?
He had run out of Monet.

For Children

Which famous Roman general always had colds?
Julius Sneezer!

Did You Hear About?

Did you hear about the fish that wanted to borrow some money?
He went to visit the loan shark.

Computers

Real Users never use the Help key.

Answering Machine Message

(To the tune of 'Heartbreak Hotel')
I just left home baby
I'll be out fer a spell
and if you don't leave a message baby
you can go to

Insults

'I read your new book. Who wrote it for you?'
'Who read it to you?'

What Do You Call?

What do you call a bull when it is sleeping?
A bulldozer.

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