'Waiter! There's a fly in my wine!'
'Well, you did ask for something with a little body, sir.'
DINER: How often do you change the tablecloths in this establishment?
WAITER: I don't know, sir, I've only worked here six months.
DINER: Waiter, there's no chicken in this chicken pie.
WAITER: There are no shepherds in the shepherd's pie, either, sir.
Waiter to customer: 'I know your steak is frozen. I told you it would melt in your mouth, didn't I?'
Waiter: may I serve you?
Customer: yes, last week I had some yummy soup. I would like to eat that.
Waiter: what is the soup called?
Customer: I don't know, something?
Waiter: Here's your something soup. It had dead eyeballs in it.
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Throw him a doughnut, sir; it'll make a good lifebelt.
I dined at an incredibly pricey restaurant where the menu had small faces with varied looks of dread rather than prices.
Old doughnut makers never die; they just get tired of the whole business.
Which vegetable goes best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
Waiter, Waiter.
There's a fly in my soup.
Don't worry, sir, they don't drink much.
Waiter, Waiter.
I'd like a glass of beer and a piece of fish.
Fillet?
Yes - right to the top.
'Waiter, do you serve crabs?'
'Sit down, sir. We serve anybody.'