Jokes About Parrots - Page 1

What do you call a dry parrot?
Polyunsaturated.

What is a polygon?
A dead parrot.

A lady who was very lonely bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed.
"The parrot doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a mirror?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a mirror. "So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a ladder?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a ladder." So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a swing?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a swing. "So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious!
The store owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"
"No!, he died."
"Oh, that's terrible. But did he say anything before he died?"
"Yes.""What?"
"He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that pet store?'"

One day, George brought home a parrot as a birthday gift for his wife. There was a string attached to each of the parrot's legs.
"What are the strings for?" inquired his wife.
"Pull one - and see," her husband said.
She pulled the string on the right leg and the parrot said, "Happy birthday!"
Then she pulled the string on the other leg and the parrot said, "Pleased to meet you."
"I wonder what will happen if I pull both strings at once."
"I'll fall off my perch, you stupid idiot," said the parrot.

What do you call the place where parrots go to make movies?
Pollywood.

What do you give a sick parrot?
Tweetment.

This big, brawny, dark-skinned Latin guy walks into a bar. On his shoulder is a beautiful blue-and-red parrot. The bartender says, admiringly "That's beautiful where'd you get it?"
and the parrot says "Down in Mexico there's millions of 'em!"

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The frightened burglar stopped dead. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the doberman Jesus."

What did the parakeet say when he finished shopping?
Just put it on my bill.

What flies through the jungle singing opera?
The parrots of Penzance.