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Jokes About Marriage - Page 8 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
Here are more of our jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life.
This is page 8 of 17. Showing jokes 85 to 96
Two men are talking. The first said, 'I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and wearing shabby clothes.'
'That's amazing,' said the second, 'I just got divorced for the very same reasons.
'That's amazing,' said the second, 'I just got divorced for the very same reasons.
A woman says to her friend, 'I was in such a generous mood today, I gave a poor beggar $25.'
'That's a lot of money to give to a beggar,' says her friend. 'What did your husband say?'
'He said, 'Thank you'.'
'That's a lot of money to give to a beggar,' says her friend. 'What did your husband say?'
'He said, 'Thank you'.'
A man took his wife to the doctor. After he had examined her, the doctor said, 'Your wife's mind has completely gone!'
To which the man replied, 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 30 years.'
To which the man replied, 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 30 years.'
Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now, I only catch her in my pockets.
A dietitian once addressed a large audience in Chicago. ''The food and drink we consume could have killed the majority of us sitting here many years ago. Red meat is bad for us. Vegetables can be deadly, and we have no idea how many bacteria are in our drinking water. But one thing is the most dangerous of all, and we all eat it. Does anyone here know what lethal product I'm talking about? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.'
The man lowered his head and said, 'Wedding cake.'
The man lowered his head and said, 'Wedding cake.'
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. When the pallbearers are carrying the casket out at the end of the service, they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
Hearing a faint moan, they open the casket and find that the woman is still alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held in the same church, and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers are again carrying the casket.
When they are walking out of the church, the husband yells, 'Be careful of that wall!'
Hearing a faint moan, they open the casket and find that the woman is still alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held in the same church, and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers are again carrying the casket.
When they are walking out of the church, the husband yells, 'Be careful of that wall!'
Joe: I hate to tell you, but your wife has just fallen into the wishing well.
Brian: It works!
Brian: It works!
How old is your wife?
Approaching forty.
Yes, but from which direction?
Approaching forty.
Yes, but from which direction?
I am the master in my own house - the doghouse.
If you think that marriage is grand, remember that divorce is 50 grand.
Fred: Did you meet your wife at the airport yesterday?
Joe: No, I met her at a dance about ten years ago.
Joe: No, I met her at a dance about ten years ago.
A married man should always forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same things.
There's no use in two people remembering the same things.