Jokes About Marriage - Page 12

Printed in a newspaper - The marriage of Miss Anna Bloch and Mr William Dashwood, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake and we wish to correct it.

'Tell me, young man,' said the father to his prospective son-in-law, 'if my daughter marries you, and I give her a substantial dowry, what have you to offer her in return?' 'I'll give you a receipt.'

A drunken man at a party went up to a strange woman and embraced her clumsily. She slapped his face. 'I'm so sorry,' he said, 'I thought you were my wife.' 'Huh,' said the woman, 'You'd be a fine husband to have. Just look at you - a drunken, clumsy, disgusting brute.' 'Good heavens,' said the drunk, 'you talk like her, too.'

A man came back from a party very drunk and just as he was creeping in by the front door he heard his wife moving upstairs. 'Oh - oh,' he thought, 'she mustn't think I've been drinking. I know, I'll pretend I've been reading all evening.' So he put the plan into action, went into the sitting-room and sat down. After a few minutes the door opened and his wife peered in. 'What do you think you're doing?' she asked. 'Reading, dear, just reading.' 'Shut up, you drunken idiot,' said the wife. 'Now close that suitcase and come to bed.'

This farmer said to his wife, 'We've been married fifty years. Why don't we kill the chicken tonight?'.
His wife said, 'Why kill the chicken? It's not his fault?'

This man went to the doctor's with some airgun pellets in his bottom. The doctor said, 'You'll have to go into hospital with that. Your wife'll miss you.' The man said, 'She didn't miss me this morning.'